depression

I didn't even feel the urge to capitalize this title. I need a place to journal — excise, maybe — the black beast.

I have, am afflicted with, depression. Or, as my doctor put it, my neuro-chemical biological soup has problems. 

This is my third major depressive episode. 

Current medical advice states that after two clinical depressions that require medication, the patient will need continual monitoring for recurrent depression, and recommends an ongoing prescription of anti-depressants.

Intellectually, I know that I am making the right moves. I have a doctor. I am on medication. I have been open in the work place about my situation (how euphemistic is that?).

But, every indication is that there is a strong genetic component. And I have this, by any evaluation. No, not DNA testing, but I wouldn't bet against it. [Note to self: has the pre-disposition to SAD etc been identified in DNA testing yet?] Granted, the state of medicine 20, 30 and 40 years ago didn't help very many people with depression. So, my situation is not equivalent with my grandmother's. Or my father's. 

Sometimes, the intellect doesn't help. And that is a difficult thing to admit, for me.